Joe Bayly wrote this: “I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked with me of God’s dealing, of why it happened, of why my loved one had died, of hope beyond the grave. He talked constantly. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he’d go away. He finally did.
“Another came and sat beside me. He didn’t talk. He didn’t ask me leading questions. He just sat beside me for an hour and more, listening when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go.”
There are times when someone we know goes through a tragic time. They are sad, perhaps angry. Many of us want to be able to say or do something to make the person feel better.
People will say, “Well, it was just his/her time.” Or, “God wanted another angel in heaven.” Or, “So–and–so was just too good to be on this earth.”
These comments are made with the best of intentions, but they actually do little good at all. In fact, they sometimes hurt more than they help.
It took me a while to learn that the best gift to offer someone who is hurting emotionally is to simply be present. Nothing needs to be said to fill the silence. Nothing needs to be done to try to erase the pain.
You can sit there quietly and pray silently for God’s healing and protection to surround the person. This allows God to be the one to bring about healing, wholeness, and understanding.
If one who is hurting asks, “Why?” you do not have to come up with a philosophical or theological answer. Just simply say, “I don’t know. But it hurts, doesn’t it?”
I learned to simply be present after I had been ordained four years. The husband of a church member lay in his bed, breathing his last because of lung cancer. It wasn’t a pleasant situation. I was at a loss for words; didn’t know what I could or should say. So I prayed silently.
Several days after the man’s funeral, the widow spoke with me. She said, “I know you didn’t say anything while you were at his bedside, but I knew you were praying. And that meant more to me than anything you could have said.”
I would encourage you to learn the ability to be a silent presence, to understand you cannot fix the situation with magical words. It is your presence, your silent prayers, and God working through you, that will reach into another’s heart.
The Rev. Mark Broadhead is pastor at Laurel Hill Presbyterian Church and First Presbyterian Church of Crestview.
This article originally appeared on Crestview News Bulletin: FROM THE PULPIT: Be present for those who are grieving