You cannot control everything that happens to you. You can only control the way you respond.
Years ago I bought a new car. I took extremely good care of it — inside and out. Frequently washed it, vacuumed it, and even cleaned the windows on the inside.
My young children knew of my fondness for that car.
One Sunday, we were getting into the car after worship. I opened a back door for one daughter to get in. The sight that greeted me caused me to see blue — literally. She had left a dark blue crayon on the back seat, which, in the hot summer sun, had melted and stained the fabric.
My daughter saw the melted crayon at the same time I did. She cringed and looked at me in wide-eyed fear of my coming reaction, and immediately said, “Daddy, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do it!”
My instant reaction was one of anger. How many times had I told them to be careful about such things? How could she have let this happen?
My next reaction was one of disappointment. My beautiful car was now marred. It wasn’t perfect any longer.
My third reaction was, “It’s only a car. A thing. Much worse is going to happen to it in the years ahead. What is most important is how I will respond to my daughter.”
All this flashed through my mind in a split-second.
I couldn’t control what had happened, but I could control the way I responded, and needed to do it in the best way possible.
I took a deep breath, knelt down so I was eye-level with my daughter, and said, “I know you didn’t mean to do it. Accidents happen. I am disappointed this happened, but it’s okay. Just please be more careful in the future. I love you, and forgive you.” Then, I gave her a hug.
That was 25 years ago. And to this day, that daughter is still amazed by my response. It made such an impact on her that she, too, has learned that she has the ability to control the way she responds when situations around her are out of her control.
Jesus said, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Those are great words to live by — and to help others live by.
How will you respond to the things that happen to you?
The Rev. Mark Broadhead is pastor at Laurel Hill Presbyterian Church and First Presbyterian Church of Crestview.
This article originally appeared on Crestview News Bulletin: BROADHEAD: Controlling reactions to life's surprises