If you haven’t seen the YouTube video “The Hot-Crazy Matrix,” please Google and watch it. It’s a tutorial on dating, worthy of a Nobel Prize in science.
First, like the man-made global warming narrative, the video involves graphs and science and, therefore, cannot be denied. Second, its host is a Franklin, Tenn., council member who wears a sidearm and thus represents authority.
We can’t have substantive discussions on matters of importance like this — (analyzing women for their beauty or mental state to make informed dating decisions) — in America because we are a nation full of people just waiting to be offended. And if people aren’t offended, the liberal media are eager to tell people why they should be offended.
It seems everyone can produce a scientific study. For example, one study says drinking wine and eating chocolate are good, but the next week another study says they’re bad. I would think both men and women benefit when ladies drink. Alcohol lowers bad cholesterol, which is good for women, and it lowers their standards, which is good for us men.
The same study determined that women who carry a little more weight live longer – certainly longer than men who point it out.
Another study concluded that most 50,000-year-old cave drawings were done by women, proving that, since ancient times, men have had no say in home decorating.
As a gender, we men are not much. Women’s expectations of us are way too high, leading to their disappointment upon marriage. We are immature in college and really don’t improve much from there.
The blame for women’s unrealistic expectations of men lands squarely on Hollywood’s romantic comedies. For years, women have watched movies where a frumpy woman meets somebody like Hugh Grant. He is cute, listens to her, never married, likes to cuddle, and works in media or rescues kittens at a nonprofit in New York.
Yet, inexplicably, he lives in a $4 million, impeccably decorated brownstone. Yes, ladies, these sorts of men exist — and they are gay.
Meanwhile, in real life, Hugh Grant was arrested for picking up a prostitute while he was dating model Elizabeth Hurley.
The guys in your office watch only ESPN and “Jackass” movies, sleep on a futon and have a FICO score of 200. You do not want to look at their browser history.
Women mystify men with questions like, “Do you love me for my brain or my looks?” Don’t answer, men; it’s a trick! There is no right answer.
To men, women can seem to defy logic. We know you love garage sales. And you like lingerie. But, as I found out the hard way, you don’t like lingerie from a garage sale.
How are we to interpret all this? “Women are from Venus, men from Mars.” Aside from one gender being able to check out of a hotel room without first making the bed, there are vast differences between the sexes that the PC police want to erase. That explains the growing confusion.
A guy friend of mine took the bait from his girlfriend and went to see a shrink about their relationship. (Guys, never do this; it will not turn out well.) After he spent a year and $5,000 on a psychologist for his “personal journey,” I asked him what he had learned. He said he found out that, deep down, he is really shallow.
In short, ladies, you cannot go wrong by lowering your expectations of men and by watching fewer romantic comedies. As Oscar Wilde noted after visiting tacky Niagara Falls hotels for the first time, their honeymoons would be the first of many disappointments for young brides.
Just recognize that we are different, and enjoy the ride!
Ron Hart, a libertarian op-ed humorist, and award-winning author, is a frequent guest on CNN. Contact him at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.
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This article originally appeared on Crestview News Bulletin: Women and men are from completely different planets