Editor’s Note: A Jay woman writes from the heart about gossip that follows a family during grieving.
First, my husband and I want to thank all those who came to our home after the tragic and sudden death of our daughter, who was 14 years old.
To see many people come to our home that we never met, unselfish and willing to help us in any way, put peace in our heart; that a small town could possibly help us, "the outsiders.”
This brings me also to a concern that there are some who have not been so sincere. I have always said, "If you have nothing nice to say, be quiet."
I have had people in the local store whisper to the other person they are with, "Isn't that the woman who's daughter offed herself?” I also get the looks now when I go out.
It's already hard being in a small town, being from another state far away, but to lose your teen daughter — your adopted daughter, the only child you will ever have, that you loved beyond words — it hurts when, instead of coming to me with condolences, these people use harsh terminology and have assumptions.
Even people who frequent certain churches here, it has gotten back to us that some have chosen a different perspective or intent. Instead of the other 90 percent that were here in our home, comforting us, bringing us food, and being there for us with phone calls and beyond.
I want to make a suggestion, and this is for anyone who may live in the town I am living in: I want to share my concern to those that feel gossip is appropriate to please reconsider these conversations — especially when you have nothing remotely close to facts.
Instead of asking why a person moved to this tiny town, perhaps telling them what is good about it and offering good referrals to local eateries and events would suffice as something us "outsiders" would like, instead of the plethora of questions we get.
There have been so many conversations I have personally overheard in stores and other places that are disturbing. I feel, if you claim to love God, you should show it by your behavior — period.
This is a time of grieving for our family. I could go on and on with things that have happened, from people driving at literally 2 mph past our home, gawking, turning around even in our driveway to see where she died. (No, it was not the rope from the tree in the front yard — sigh.)
We need people who are kind and there for us to comfort us; not turn our home into a "circus sideshow" of town entertainment.
What would you do if people did this to you and your family after your child committed suicide? I wonder if you would feel the same.
Or, would you assume that your child or someone you love could never do this?
We never did either.
Christina Freeman lives in Jay.
This article originally appeared on Crestview News Bulletin: A Jay mother's plea during a time of grief